5 Mistakes Adult Children of Aging Parents Make and How to Avoid Them
Older parents and loved ones are definitely not a burden – they're our friends, they're wonderful and they make the world such a warm place with their presence. However, as they get older, we need to adjust to their needs and most importantly do everything to ensure their happiness and well-being. The task of moving them can challenge the best of families so make sure you’re prepared with all the tools you need in helping your aging parent.
It is important to remember that the decision to move into a senior living community is not always one that an older person will make easily. Many seniors fear losing their independence and being separated from their family members. While moving may seem like an easy choice for you as an adult child, it is often much more complicated for your elderly parent.
Your aging parent may have been living in their home for many years and have grown accustomed to their surroundings, friends, and neighbors.
They may be reluctant to give up those things that are familiar and sentimental to them just because they are no longer able to live independently. They may also be worried about how they will adjust to living with others who are also dealing with similar issues related to aging such as declining health or memory loss.
However, these concerns should not stop you from making sure that your elderly loved one gets all the help they need. Don't let their home become impossible to maintain or a safety hazard to them.
Mistake # 1: Waiting until a crisis occurs
Waiting until a crisis occurs to discuss housing and care options. Studies show most adult children with aging parents believe they know what their parents want, but chances are they have never had the "what if" conversation with them.
To avoid Mistake #1, don't wait to have the conversation. They may feel (or you may feel) uncomfortable about discussing various scenarios and end-of-life issues, but having those "what if" conversations now will eliminate a lot of the stress when you are emotionally distraught and have no idea what to do should there be a crisis. The time to start is NOW.
Mistake #2: Not equipping the home with appropriate features that allow a parent to age in place safely.
To avoid mistake #2, an assessment should be done to see if this would be an option when older adults want to remain in their homes., There are more and more accessibility products on the market today, and some homes are more conducive to aging in place than others.
Is the home able to be adapted for aging in place?
Is there a 1st-floor bedroom or an accessible 1st-floor bathroom?
Can they get into the rooms should they need a wheelchair or a walker down the road?
Are there grab bars?
Can they get in and out of the house without using the stairs?
Are there tripping hazards?
These are just a few questions to ask yourself or get a professional to assess the home for safely aging in place.
Don't forget it is not just the physical challenges:
Can they remember to take their medicine, or do they forget they took their medication and retake it?
Are they able to fix or eat proper meals?
Do they have transportation to and from where they want or need to go?
Are they lonely and miss the social aspects of their lives? This is especially true if they have lost a spouse. Socializing is important to all human beings, including emotional and psychological well-being.
Mistake #3: Not knowing about other Senior Living options.
Senior Living Communities are not the nursing homes of the past. Today there are many different lifestyles and care options for Seniors.
To avoid Mistake # 3, do research on the options available. Take Mom and Dad and visit some of today's senior living communities. By knowing in advance the options available, you are less likely to have to make a quick or costly decision by not being aware of the communities should a crisis occur. Today many of these communities are more like all-inclusive resort living.
Mistake #4: Trying to take care of downsizing, estate liquidation, and personal items on your own.
Senior Adults and their children cite the tasks below as the most challenging part of deciding to make a move:
Sorting, organizing, and choosing which items should be moved
Deciding what to do with all the things that will be left behind when downsizing
Getting rid of those items, whether through donations, estates sales, or giving to family members and friends
Finding the time to complete the task above
To avoid mistake #4, start as early as possible. If they are healthy and able to begin the downsizing process (whether staying in their home or moving into smaller quarters), offer to help them downsize now so they feel comfortable with the decision-making process. You could also turn to a professional Senior Move Manager, who specializes in the emotional and physical aspects of getting rid of "stuff" This is especially helpful if you don't live near them or have a full-time job or other family obligations.
Mistake #5: Not having their affairs in order.
Many seniors are reluctant to discuss wills, POA, trust, Medical POA, and their financial situation. According to AARP, 60% of Americans lack ANY estate planning. In an emergency, these documents are vital in an already stressful situation.
To avoid mistake #5, you need to have those uncomfortable conversations. They may be open to discussing their affairs, or you may be avoiding the subject. Either way, this subject needs to be brought up, or as many who have been through this will tell you, there will be regret should you not have had those conversations should a crisis occur. Not only are you dealing with the emotions of them being ill, but you may also have no say in anything that arises with their health or finances. Just be aware it probably won’t be a one-time conversation, and it may take a while for them to see the importance of having an estate plan. Managing their finances, transferring property, and talking with medical professionals on their behalf all require legal documentation should a crisis occur. Without these documents available or not knowing if your parents have done estate planning can lead to additional stress and could be disastrous should an emergency arise.
What if they develop dementia or cannot make decisions due to a stroke or other illness? Without legal documents, you cannot help them out. Estate planning is not just for the "rich" Everyone should have legal documents expressing their wants and needs. An Elder Law Attorney or Estate Planner can create these documents. Make sure to ask them to discuss the "what if" scenarios, and if they do have their affairs in order, make sure their estate documents are up to date and that you know where they are should they be needed. This includes making sure the documents are recognized in the state they live in.
Note: There are a lot of online legal resources today. However, it is recommended that the documents be created in the state they live in by an attorney familiar with them or who will sit down and discuss the options based on their circumstances. It may seem cheaper to go online, but it may be much more costly in the long run. In Summary
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